Why Don't Rituals Work?
by Egeki
Summary: Barret and Cloud willingly wish to bring Aeris back from the dead...Tifa: How Disgusting!


Why Don't Rituals Work?

Opening Statement: WELCOME! Please take your seats and the show will begin shortly! The staff and the production crew is so glad to see you all this evening. The program will begin momentarily.

(if you read to the end of this statement that I am writing right now then it is time for the show to begin ^^*)

CAST

Puppet 1(Cloud)

Puppet 1 ½(Tifa)

Puppey 1 ¾(Barret)

Puppet 2(Aeris)

Puppet 3(Metaphysical Dude)

Puppets 4-6(Shoppers)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cloud: Wow, I think we should bring aeris back!

Tifa: How Morbid!

Barret: Hmmm, seems like it might work, whatdoya think again Tifa?

Tifa: How Sick!

Barret: Ok, We'll do it!

(Walk into a metaphysical Shop with Aeris' White Materia)

Metaphysical Dude: Well, well, well what do we have here??? Ahhh! A resurrection you will be needing! I can sense it!

Cloud: uh, yea...*thinks and looks around* well, anyways, we be needing some (Damn you Rob, stop poking me in the ribs!) *cough, clears throat* ahem, we be needing some loco weed, axel grease, (Why don't all the Final Fantasy Ingredients ever seem relevant to the project we make? I mean, how do you resurrect someone with Axel grease)

Puppeteer of Puppet 2: ummm Alex, I think they have to grease the materia ball before they go on about the ritual aheh heh eh?

Metaphysical Dude: I seee, well you are happening to be in great fortune here! (PROPER GRAMMAR AND SYNTAX ROB!) ahem, I seeee, well you happen to be in great fortune here! We happen to have a resurrection kit with all the needed instructions to do a full-scale resurrection...(Hey Alex, How do you make a ritual "FULL-SCALE" anyways?) Ahem.

Barret: Look buddy, we need the kit now please!

Metaphysical Dude: YES YES! Whatever! Take it...that'll be uhhh 500 gil since i feel oh so generous today eh heh (ROB! THAT WASN'T IN THE SCRIPT!) (Shut-up Alex!)

Barret: K, We'll take it!

(The party pays and leaves the store fairly satisfied with the thriftiness they just encountered)

Cloud: *Opens the kit and takes out the ingredients*

Barret: *begins to read the instructions*

*~RESURRECTION KIT™ INSTRUCTIONS~*

1) Grease the materia orb of the person(s) thats soul is caged.

(See ROB! GREASE the ball with the Axel grease! DUH!)

2)Springle the Pixy Dust over and chant: Bippidy Boppidy Boo! Until little "POOFY" noise is sounded.

3)Put orb under pillow and pull out a touth to make the tooth fairy come to collect the orb

4) Keep waiting until Orb comes back as a person while you shower.

*Note-Must shower for the effect to work.

~!~!~!~!~!~

Barret: HUH?!?!

Tifa: HOW DISGUSTING!

Cloud: Wha-wha-what huh?

(Day 2, orb is greased and under pillow)

Cloud: BARRET! WHY IS ALL THE SCREAMING COMING FROM IN HERE!

Barret: I n tryn to get ny toonth nout. (AHHH!)

Cloud: ohhhh, ok, well I won't disturb you

(Cloud walks away until "AHHHHHH!" is heard and silence is distributed around the shack)

(Day 3, Orb disappears and tooth is gone)

Barret: YAY! HURRAY! YIPPIE!

Cloud: HuH! what? 

Barret: It is beginning to work, I have to shower now!

Cloud: It's all a hoax you know! We have been tricked by free-lance kiddy propoganda, dontchyaknow.

(hey, you know I bought my kid a magic kit, Rob, he loves it!) (Rob: Shut the hell up! It's your line!) (Alex: oh! Thanks!)

Cloud: Tifa, what's wrong with you lately?

Tifa: UGH! You are all so strange! Whyever would anyone try and bring such a pure person back to life!

(Meanwhile, Barret showers fast, then huddles out into the middle of the hall, still toothless)

Tifa: hahahaha, it was a joke! I told ya the dumb thing wouldn't work! umm, Barret, get some clothes on! And Cloud, you're right, no such thing as resurrection, here's the White Materia freaks, bye! I'm going to my job at the Brothel down the street.

Cloud:wha! It-I-Right?

Barret: NOOOOOO000000oooooo-.....! *POOOOOF*

Aeris: What's up guys!

Cloud/Barret: AERIS!

Aeris: yeeeeaaaaa, well I feel sooo horrible! (Snapshot of Sephiroth from above

Sephy: AHHAAA! *slash through Aeris like a knife slicing through a corndog!*

Aeris: ugh!

Barret/Cloud: *Stare at each other for quite a while*

~Fini!~


End file.
